Chuck Norris Facts

@norrisbot Says, Chuck Norris went down to the crossroads just to pimp-slap the devil.

@norrisbot Says, After consuming four gallons of Captain Morgan Rum Chuck Norris was pulled over and ask to perform a field sobriety test. He did so while standing with (L)boot on empty 1/2 gal(R)boot touching bearded ass,head tilted back,fingers touching flaming nostrils and saying the alphabet back words in 23 foregin languages...while being taserd.

@norrisbot Says, Chuck Norris like to do cartwheels up and down the aisles while the plane is landing.

@norrisbot Says, Chuck Norris ate tiny the tiger for breakfast and it was GGGRRRREEEAAAT!

@norrisbot Says, Chuck Norris died ten years ago; however, death doesn't have guts to tell him.

@norrisbot Says, A diff between your code and Chuck Norris's is infinite.

@norrisbot Says, In Hollywood, the abbreviation HD stands for Chuck Norris.

@norrisbot Says, Chuck Norris can solve a Rubik's Cube with his butt-cheeks.

@norrisbot Says, Chuck Norris has never struck out in Baseball. He simply stares at the ball, and it gets out of his way.

@norrisbot Says, When taking the SAT, write "Chuck Norris" for every answer. You will score over 8000.

@norrisbot Says, Chuck Norris once sued the makers of the game 'Command And Conquer' for stealing the name of what he likes to do when attending a frat party.

@norrisbot Says, Chuck Norris' Father is also Chuck Norris' son, when you sire Chuck Norris he always returns the favour.

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@norrisbot Says, Chuck Norris shot the sheriff, killed Kenny, and killed Mr. Boddy in the hall with a roundhouse kick.

@norrisbot Says, If Chuck Norris were to put notches on his bedpost, the bed would collapse within two months.

@norrisbot Says, Honey badger cares about Chuck Norris!

@norrisbot Says, Chuck Norris' penis can pleasure itself.

@norrisbot Says, Chuck Norris made the mayans extinct.

@norrisbot Says, Lance Armstrong didnt beat cancer, Chuck Norris did it for him.

@norrisbot Says, Chuck Norris once went Mach 17 on a 12 speed with no back tire.

@norrisbot Says, There is space, there is time, and there is Chuck Norris. Just kidding, Chuck came first.

@norrisbot Says, The owl knows how many licks it takes to get to the center of a toostie-roll-pop. Chuck Norris knows how many licks it takes to get to the center of a 5,000 pound boulder. Both take 3, only because Chuck was savoring the flavor.

@norrisbot Says, All medieval countries translated Chuck Norris' name the same: Bubonic.

@norrisbot Says, Chuck Norris is the real Mission Impossible.

@norrisbot Says, Muhammad Ali is so fast, that when he turns out the bedroom light, he finds Chuck Norris in bed saying, "Get your own bed, fag!" Before the room goes dark.

@norrisbot Says, After he takes a shit, Chuck Norris puts the toilet seat back up.

@norrisbot Says, Chuck Norris can kill a man in a rap battle.

@norrisbot Says, Chuck Norris predicted the Mayan Calendar.

@norrisbot Says, The Chuck Norris family once had a weiner roast in what was formally called the Mojave Forrest.

@norrisbot Says, Jesus Christ once said,"If someone strikes you on the right cheek turn to him the other also." He obviously hadn't met Chuck Norris.

@norrisbot Says, The bible was originally tittled "Chuck Norris and Freinds."

@norrisbot Says, Chuck Norris hates to piss in a urinal because the porcelain to too cold.

@norrisbot Says, Chuck Norris can be gay. He is.

@norrisbot Says, Chuck Norris can charge a cars battery by connecting the cables to his nipples

@norrisbot Says, Chuck Norris knows the last number in Pie

@norrisbot Says, Chuck Norris' remote has a bayonet.

https://steemit.com/life/@egregorian/enjoying-a-rooftop-afternoon-with-the-fa-2018-05-06-15-50-00

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@norrisbot Says, Chuck Norris thinks that concepts such as health and safety are for little pansy men with hairless faces who wince when they drink whiskey.

@norrisbot Says, The historical earthquakes in Japan were caused by Chuck Norris digging up what we know as the Mariana Trench.

@norrisbot Says, In soivet Russia Ian's (Smosh) pizza eats Ian and Anthony. SMOSHTIME WITH LUNCH Chuck Norris

@norrisbot Says, Google asked Chuck Norris where to search.

@norrisbot Says, Chuck Norris went back in time, to show himself how to go back in time in case he ever needed to go back in time

@norrisbot Says, Chuck Norris can make a hockey puck dissolve in his mouth in less than 15 seconds.

@norrisbot Says, Chuck Norris can sneeze with his eyes open and lick his elbow. At the same time

@norrisbot Says, Chuck Norris once walked down the street with an erection.......there were no survivors.

@norrisbot Says, The spurs on Chuck Norris's boots have a three-ton towing capacity

@norrisbot Says, The original draft of The Lord of the Rings featured Chuck Norris instead of Frodo Baggins. It was only 5 pages long, as Chuck roundhouse-kicked Sauron's ass halfway through the first chapter.

@norrisbot Says, If Chuck Norris says "Lets have fun!", he actually wants to roundhouse kick you to space.

@norrisbot Says, Jack Links Beef Jerky wanted to film a series of "Messin' with Chuck Norris" commercials. They later had to settle for Sasquatch because they couldn't find any actors dumb enough to mess with Chuck Norris.

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@norrisbot Says, Chuck Norris' breath always smells like pussy. Always.

@norrisbot Says, Chuck Norris can draw a perfect circle with a ruler

@norrisbot Says, The rock band Stone Temple Pilots got their name after they witnessed Chuck Norris cruising around in an Aztec shrine on the streets of L.A.

@norrisbot Says, Chuck Norris didnt dial the wrong number......you just answered the wrong phone

https://steemit.com/animals/@sdavignon/unusual-and-weird-animal-friendships-that-will-melt-your-heart

@norrisbot Says, there are no such thing as a tornado Chuck Norris just don't like trailer parks.

@norrisbot Says, everyone hideson Chuck Norris's birthday even god

@norrisbot Says, Chuck Norris can play dubstep on a harp.

@norrisbot Says, Chuck Norris killed Zeus in a poker game with a roundhouse kick to the face because Zeus was a sore loser and didn't want to give up his lightning.

@norrisbot Says, CHUCK NORRIS ONCE SMOKE OG KUSH HEROIN,PCP,METH,COCAINE,ACID ,MUSHROOMS,AND SALVIA ROLLED UP IN A BLUNT AND STILL DROVE A CAR AND TRACTOR AND STARTED CRUISING IN A BIG RIG TO VEGAS IN 1 HOUR....

@norrisbot Says, Chuck Norris can waterboard you with a jar of M n' Ms

@norrisbot Says, On Storage Wars, Chuck Norris is allowed go in all the storage lockers and open all the boxes he wants. Who's going to stop him.

@norrisbot Says, Chuck Norris can fix stupid with duct tape but he prefers to fix it with a roundhouse kick to stupid's face.

@norrisbot Says, Your odds of surviving a Chuck Norris attack are slightly less than: -1/100.

@norrisbot Says, Chuck Norris, Arnold Swarzenegger and Sylvester Stallone were going to swim across the Atlantic. Arnold swam a mile, then gave up. Stallone swam two miles, then gave up. Chuck swam day and night for weeks. When he was a hundred yards away from the coast of Europe he said; "I'm bored" and turned around and swam back home.

https://steemit.com/dmania/@team101/life-is-not-like-a-box-of-chocolates-zg1hbmlh-e2xm7

@norrisbot Says, Chuck Norris never goes to Burger King for a burger. Instead, he stops by a farm and bites a colossal chunk out of the side of a cow.

@norrisbot Says, If you are filled with terror that Chuck Norris is still out there, somewhere, that only proves that you are still sane.

@norrisbot Says, Chuck Norris has a crowbar holster on the back of the passenger seat of his Hummer

@norrisbot Says, Chuck Norris has Hitler's skull hanging off of his key-chain.

@norrisbot Says, Birds developed wings to fly away from Chuck Norris. Not to be outdone, he invented bird flu.

@norrisbot Says, Chuck Norris doesn't get into car accidents, cars get into Chuck Norris accidents.

@norrisbot Says, Chuck Norris pimp-slapped Johnny Cash in Reno.

@norrisbot Says, Chuck Norris abducts aliens.

@norrisbot Says, Chuck Norris doesn't own a can opener, he just chews through the can.

@norrisbot Says, When Chuck Norris throws a game of 'Washers' he uses a Maytag.

@norrisbot Says, CHuck Norris spilled some milk. He didn't cry over the spilt milk. The spilt milk cried and made its way back into the carton.

@norrisbot Says, If Chuck Norris roundhouse kick Bruce banner he would not get angry, he would be cured and never again will transform in the hulk, cause Chuck Norris kicks have healing properties. Either you get cured or die

@norrisbot Says, Once on a beer & fish fry night, Chuck Norris made hush puppies out of an annoying litter of yelping newborn beagles.

@norrisbot Says, Chuck norris was batman and Bruce Wayne was Robin, but then chuck got bored so Bruce was promoted

@norrisbot Says, Chuck Norris won the 'Dancing with the Stars' competition by Moonwalking on his butt cheeks.

@norrisbot Says, Lindsay Lohan once swam through 150 yards of the Fort Worth, TX sewer system just to get a peek of Chuck Norris' asshole while he was taking a shit.

@norrisbot Says, Chuck Norris beat Pac-Man without doing anthing.He roundhouse kicked all of the ghosts until they had a pool of blood all over the screen and Chuck Norris commented "NOTHING STANDS CHUCK NORRIS'S FUCKING WAY!" That qualifies as doing nothing

@norrisbot Says, Chuck Norris takes no prisoners. He kills them before they have a chance to surrender.

@norrisbot Says, Chuck Norris had appendicitis so he removed his appendix with his pocket knife and closed the wound with a staple gun.

@norrisbot Says, If you are next to Chuck Norris then you will always have perfect cell phone reception

@norrisbot Says, Chuck norris let the dogs out Chuck Norris wants some more

@norrisbot Says, You know the move where Scorpio removes the spine in mortal combat? Well Chuck Norris can do that to invertibrates!

@norrisbot Says, Chuck Norris can make a mole hill out of a mountain.

@norrisbot Says, Chuck Norris hates corey FO FREE!!!!!!!

@norrisbot Says, Some people have wondered why Chuck Norris never played hockey. Would you want to face Chuck Norris with blades attached to his feet?

@norrisbot Says, In the making of delta force Chuck Norris had to use a stunt double in the fighting scenes so no actors would be killed. True Fact

https://steemit.com/tweet/@sdavignon/20180424t200625351z

@norrisbot Says, Chuck Norris hosting is 101% uptime guaranteed.

@norrisbot Says, Chuck Norris is embarrassed by this A.Canturbury and pHil. With these terrible jokes I know they have to be the same person. Quality not quantity guys. Come on

@norrisbot Says, If a vampire bites Chuck Norris, it becomes his slave.

@norrisbot Says, Football was invented when Chuck Norris kicked a pig 100 yards and caught it before it hit the ground , knocking down 11large men in the process . Then he had sex with eight girls in short skirts with large pom-poms .

@norrisbot Says, Thanksgiving Chuck Norris Fact/Joke Time! Most people have turkey for Thanksgiving. Chuck Norris has chicken for Thanksgiving. "Chicken" meaning "cowards".

@norrisbot Says, They say a picture is worth a thousand words. Chuck Norris is worth the New York Public library, packed floor-to-ceiling with 10,000-page micro-print encyclopedias.

@norrisbot Says, Chuck Norris created "Where's Waldo?". He wasn't a fan of the name Waldo, so he round house kicked him in the face and no one has seen Waldo since...hence where's Waldo?

@norrisbot Says, Chuck Norris once had a horse throat so he went to his personal physician. They both thought it tasted like shrimp scampi.

@norrisbot Says, Chuck Norris was the fourth wise man, who gave baby Jesus the gift of beard, which he carried with him until he died. The other three wise men were enraged by the preference that Jesus showed to Chuck's gift, and arranged to have him written out of the bible. All three died soon after of mysterious roundhouse-kick related injuries.

@norrisbot Says, Chuck Norris likes to drop kick nuns at the full moon. The craters are direct hits.

@norrisbot Says, Chuck Norris is so fertile that every time he jerks off into a sock it squeezes out a pair of cowboy boots.

@norrisbot Says, Chuck Norris's shit doesn't stink

@norrisbot Says, Chuck Norris invented his own type of karate. It's called Chuck-Will-Kill.

@norrisbot Says, chuck Norris can make ice cream... in a iron a smelter

@norrisbot Says, when Chuck Norris is asleep the sheep count him

@norrisbot Says, Check yourself before you wreck yourself....... Cos roundhouse kicks from Chuck Norris is bad for your health.

@norrisbot Says, Chuck Norris doesnt shave; he kicks himself in the face. The only thing that can cut Chuck Norris is Chuck Norris.

@norrisbot Says, Chuck Norris was recently bitten by a vampire. After a couple drops of Chucks blood, the vampire screamed and burst into flames.

@norrisbot Says, Chuck Norris can complete a perfect 'Triple Lindy' from the low board.

@norrisbot Says, Chuck Norris' car wash mitt is made from Donald Trumps wig, with his head still in it.

@norrisbot Says, Chuck Norris has way better fireworks than you

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Chuck Norris doesn't need try-catch, exceptions are too afraid to raise. @cryptocomedyWe Already Tagged And Resteemed This

Chuck Norris doesn't need try-catch, exceptions are too afraid to raise. @imthebossnegguhWe Already Tagged And Resteemed This

Chuck Norris doesn't need try-catch, exceptions are too afraid to raise. @somenickWe Already Tagged And Resteemed This

Chuck Norris doesn't need try-catch, exceptions are too afraid to raise. @rainchenWe Already Tagged And Resteemed This

Chuck Norris doesn't need try-catch, exceptions are too afraid to raise. @valderramaWe Already Tagged And Resteemed This

@norrisbot Says, Chuck Norris gargles ball bearings.

@norrisbot Says, If a tree falls in the woods, not only did Chuck Norris hear it, he probably kicked that motherfucker over too.

@norrisbot Says, If Michael Jackson can moonwalk, Chuck Norris can run on the sun.

@norrisbot Says, Chuck Norris usually showers by buying several dozen puppies and kittens, then starting up his wood chipper.

@norrisbot Says, it was once thought that Chuck Norris never lies, until he said that Chuck Norris facts arent actually true

@norrisbot Says, Grizzlys shriek white in terror upon seeing Chuck Norris, today they are a protected species known as Polar Bears.

@norrisbot Says, Chuck Norris' cat has 10 lives. Chuck Norris has 346,903. He's still on life #1 and so is his 97 yr old cat.

@norrisbot Says, Chuck Norris isn't even considered a heterosexual since everything he fucks is technically a puddle within seconds.

@norrisbot Says, At my house I have a "Beware of Dog" sign. At Chuck Norris' house, he has a "Beware of Chuck Norris" sign.

@norrisbot Says, Chuck Norris's Car doesn't have any indicators.

@norrisbot Says, A Chuck Norris punch to the face has been directly linked to the causal affect of sleep apnea.

@norrisbot Says, last halloween Chuck Norris carved his pumpkin with an axe! The design? A picture of Chuck Norris carving a pumpkin with a freakin axe!

@norrisbot Says, Chuck Norris once ate at a restaurant and finished his meal ask the waiter to come over he wanted to give him something. the waiter thinking it was a round house kick killed him self and everyone within 10 miles killed them self. Chuck Norris laughed and said fine ill keep the tip. But annoyed that everyone thought it was a round house kick Chuck Norris brought everyone back to life and killed them again for thinking that. Moral of the story when Chuck Norris gives you something TAKE IT LIKE A MAN IDIOT

@norrisbot Says, Chuck Norris once passed a kidney stone off the coast of Long Island. It sank the Titanic.

@norrisbot Says, Chuck Norris doesn't need "get out of jail free" cards in Monopoly because no cop is fool enough to arrest Chuck Norris.

@norrisbot Says, Whenever Chuck Norris sees a Best Buy, he burns it to the ground, because he firmly believes that a total gym for three payments of 19.99 is the best buy you'll ever find.

@norrisbot Says, Chuck Norris' microwave has killed many a creature.

@norrisbot Says, Chuck Norris has an Erdos number of O.

@norrisbot Says, Chuck Norris can walk with the animals, talk with the animals; grunt and squeak and squawk with the animals... and the animals, without fail, always say 'yessir Mr. Norris'.

@norrisbot Says, zejd je jednom rekao chuck nofdsfsdfjdsfndsjfbdsjf i skontaj je da mu string nije nul, ali je njega chuck terminirao

@norrisbot Says, If Chuck Norris was a teacher, he could literally blow your mind. Dont take his class if you want your brain. xD

@norrisbot Says, everyone on roblox is about to be roundhousekicked by Chuck Norris

@norrisbot Says, After Chuck Norris was born, he drove himself back home.

@norrisbot Says, Wooy Woodpecker died today. Nobody laughs at Chuck Norris.

@norrisbot Says, 100 years ago Albert Einstein predicted gravitational waves Chuck Norris can provoke one, if he wants on 2015-09-14 he was in good mood, so he did it

@norrisbot Says, Casinos pay Chuck Norris not to play at anything or wish anyone good luck.

@norrisbot Says, Chuck Norris always lists his occupation as 'Chuck Norris'

@norrisbot Says, Chuck Norris made a savory green bean casserole out of The Jolly Green Giant.

@norrisbot Says, Chuck Norris completed COD Black opps on a broken guitar hero guitar

@norrisbot Says, When chuck Norris farts. Tornadoes blame somebody else!

@norrisbot Says, Chuck Norris has delivered enough roundhouse kicks to the ass to know just how many of them it takes to make a bountiful bouquet of hemorrhoids.

@norrisbot Says, The Dos Equis man is actually a fictional representation of Chuck Norris' feminine side.

@norrisbot Says, the only time Chuck Norris will cry is in 2012, when he's not the one killing everybody.

@norrisbot Says, Chuck Norris defeated Garry Kasparov in a game of chess without a single move -- just by glaring at Kasparov.

@norrisbot Says, Chuck Norris is the 8th wonder of the world

@norrisbot Says, Chuck Norris' grass is always greener.

@norrisbot Says, When Chuck Norris throws exceptions, it's across the room.

@norrisbot Says, "Bigfoot" did exist...until he tried to threaten Chuck Norris.

@norrisbot Says, Chuck Norris sneezed in Japan- therefore causing Hiroshima to be bombed.

@norrisbot Says, Chuck Norris can dribble two bowling balls up a flight of stairs...with his feet.

@norrisbot Says, The reason why Edward left Bella in "the new moon" was because Chuck Norris was after him. Later on, Bella went to have sex with Chuck Norris

@norrisbot Says, When Chuck Norris looks up, then down, left and right, then jumps, crouches, and punches the air three times, a gatling gun appears in hands out of nowhere.

@norrisbot Says, Chuck Norris usually prefers to travel on the OUTSIDE of taxis, trains and commercial aircraft.

@norrisbot Says, CNN was originally created as the "Chuck Norris Network" to update Americans with on-the-spot ass kicking in real-time.

@norrisbot Says, Godzilla is a Japanese rendition of Chuck Norris' first visit to Tokyo.

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@norrisbot Says, Do you know why Chuck Norris doesn't have hair on his balls because hair doesn't grow on steel!

@norrisbot Says, In soviet Russia Chuck Norris still kicks your ass!

@norrisbot Says, when Chuck Norris goes shopping he doesnt go shopping for clothes, he goes shopping for @ss h*les

@norrisbot Says, "Iron Man" was originally going to be called "Chuck Norris: The Movie," but everyone who knew about it got roundhouse kicked. Afterwords, Chuck Norris hired Robert Downey Jr. and had the movie called "Iron Man"

@norrisbot Says, Today March 10, 2011 is Chuck Norris 71st birthday, Happy Birthday to the greatest man alive.

@norrisbot Says, Chuck Norris can pilot Evangelion Units 00-02 similtaneously.

@norrisbot Says, The world is supposed to end in 2012. Chuck Norris must be retiring.

@norrisbot Says, The only reason you go to the bathroom is because Chuck Norris scared the shit out of you.

@norrisbot Says, When in a bar, you can order a drink called a "Chuck Norris". It is also known as a "Bloody Mary", if your name happens to be Mary.

@norrisbot Says, Chuck Norris punished Superman for being Superman by making him wear his underwear over his pants.

@norrisbot Says, If you put Chuck Norris as your profile picture on facebook thousands of supermodels will friend you each day

@norrisbot Says, Chuck Norris was bitten by a Zombie. Shortly thereafter, the Zombie displayed greatly increased muscle mass and some serious bad-ass tendencies.

@norrisbot Says, There was no potato famine in Ireland. Chuck Norris just had the munchies on the way back from Amsterdam.

@norrisbot Says, Chuck Norris is on a first name basis with noone

@norrisbot Says, Robin Hood was partially based on Chuck Norris, in that Norris would rob from the rich. But Robin Hood never roundhouse-kicked the poor. Or the rich, for that matter.

https://steemit.com/meme/@cryptocomedy/chuck-norris-finally-lost-meme

https://steemit.com/meme/@imthebossnegguh/chuck-norris-1

https://steemit.com/memes/@somenick/funny-chuck-norris-memes

https://steemit.com/chucknorris/@rainchen/10-fun-facts-about-chuck-norris-you-might-don-t-know

@norrisbot Says, The Chuck Norris Facts sites are actually pages taken from Chuck Norris daily diary

https://steemit.com/funny/@valderrama/i-interviewed-chuck-norris-about-cryptocurrency-8

@norrisbot Says, It's a little known fact that Chuck Norris's cat had a part in Harry Potter. To conceal her identity they called her " Mrs Norris".

@norrisbot Says, Chuck Norris is the reason Jehovah needed a witness.

@norrisbot Says, A life-sized 24-carat gold sculpture of Chuck Norris' penis was in the briefcase in Pulp Fiction. Tarantino removed the scene at the end when Uma Thurman finally receives it.

@norrisbot Says, The upcoming debut album by the Chuck Norris Experience is expected to become the highest-selling album of all time.

@norrisbot Says, In a paper due out soon, Stephen Hawking has proven that Chuck Norris exists in every universe, multiverse, and every dimension. There is no escaping Chuck Norris.

@norrisbot Says, When Chuck Norris brutally murders you, he will send the cleanup bill to your immediate family, and they'd better fucking pay.

@norrisbot Says, Death is Chuck norris's apprentice

@norrisbot Says, Chuck Norris is known for doing every cool thing you've ever seen a person do in a movie, but significantly better.

@norrisbot Says, Chuck Norris's tears cure cancer...... to bad he has never cried never 8*>

@norrisbot Says, Chuck Norris knows at least forty-seven words that end in -gasm.

@norrisbot Says, Chuck Norris is callin' you pinhead!

@norrisbot Says, Jesus didn't rise and ascend to the heavens on the 3rd day. Chuck Norris round kick him back to life and simultaneously killed him again sending him to heaven.

@norrisbot Says, Once, while having sex in a tractor trailer, part of Chuck Norris' sperm escaped and got into the engine. We now know this truck as Optimus Prime.

@norrisbot Says, Casanova was a real Chuck Norris.

@norrisbot Says, He used to be called The Headed Horseman before Chuck Norris met him.

@norrisbot Says, Chuck Norris doesn't use an airplane for travel, he simply turns of the gravity and farts

@norrisbot Says, Chuck Norris is so hot that his fists have sex with his dick.

@norrisbot Says, I put Chuck Norris into an online anagram generator and only got one anagram - "Don't rearrange these letters or else Chuck Norris will rearrange your face."

@norrisbot Says, In celebration of this, the 8000th Chuck Norris fact, Lord Norris decided to give a shit about internet nerds for the first time in his life. It wasn't really worth it, he reportedly said, and immediately went back to murdering people and having constant orgies and being generally badass and awesome.

@norrisbot Says, Chuck Norris can un-spike punch.

@norrisbot Says, Chuck Norris....enough said.

@norrisbot Says, Chuck Norris is arguably our country's greatest president.

@norrisbot Says, As President Roosevelt said: "We have nothing to fear but fear itself. And Chuck Norris."

@norrisbot Says, Bruce Lee died from a delayed reaction to a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick to the face in Way of the Dragon.

@norrisbot Says, The owl knows how many licks it takes to get to the center of a toostie-roll-pop. Chuck Norris knows how many licks it takes to get to the center of a 5,000 pound boulder. Both take 3, only because Chuck was savoring the flavor.

@norrisbot Says, Chuck Norris can gargle peanut butter.

@norrisbot Says, Chuck Norris can run a nuclear power station using a rowing machine.

@norrisbot Says, When Chuck Norris needs a new car, he doesn't look for a car, the cars look for him!

@norrisbot Says, Fighting bulls see a red cape and charge towards it. Fighting bulls see Chuck Norris and run away just as fast as they can go.

@norrisbot Says, When Chuck Norris first tapped Katie Holmes behind Tom Cruise's back, he immediately went to the nearest couch retailer and stomped the shit out of every one. Then he tapped Oprah.

@norrisbot Says, Actresses such as Jennifer Love Hewitt, Eva Longoria and Jessica Alba have never gone nude on film. They would go nude if they worked with Chuck Norris.

@norrisbot Says, Every year on February 2, Chuck Norris eats a live groundhog, predicts the weather around his mansion for the entire year with 100% accuracy, then bangs Bill Murray's daughter.

@norrisbot Says, Chuck Norris can win a staring contest with a statue.

@norrisbot Says, To Chuck Norris, everything contains a vulnerability.

@norrisbot Says, Chuck Norris can eat eat a hammer and crap out an axe.

@norrisbot Says, the reason for the boarder patrol isn't to keep illegal immigrants out because we don't want them. it to keep them out so chuck Norris doesn't kill the for trespassing

@norrisbot Says, one day a cop pulled Chuck Norris over for speeding, that cop was lucky to leave with a warning

@norrisbot Says, The reason this website is still standing, is because we are complementing Chuck Norris.

@norrisbot Says, Some people like to eat frog legs. Chuck Norris likes to eat lizard legs. Hence, snakes.

@norrisbot Says, Chuck Norris' anal sphincter has fangs.

@norrisbot Says, Chuck norris was the demon in "paranormal activity." and the demon in "the exorcism of emily rose" and "the exorcist." thanks chuck for killing that stupid fuckin micah guy!

@norrisbot Says, Chuck Norris is the only man alive that has bitch slapped a Sasquatch then given him a wedgie.

@norrisbot Says, Every year on his birthday, Chuck norris randomly selects one lucky child to be thrown into the sun.

@norrisbot Says, Chuck Norris doesn't believe in god, god believes in Chuck Norris.

@norrisbot Says, Jackie Chan went around the world in 80 days. Chuck Norris went around the world in 80 seconds... 10000 times

@norrisbot Says, Chuck norris does not play dice... : Einstein

@norrisbot Says, Chuck norris once played pool with the planets. He lost to Pluto...that's why it's not a planet

@norrisbot Says, Chuck Norris once threw a knife into Heaven.

@norrisbot Says, The only type of fever Chuck Norris ever gets is disco fever.

@norrisbot Says, Chuck Norris' saliva is used to euthanize Komodo dragons.

@norrisbot Says, Chuck Norris can divide by zero

@norrisbot Says, Chuck Norris can change a Diesel engine's spark plugs.

@norrisbot Says, Calvin Klein always used to wear Chuck Norris' discarded slacks.

@norrisbot Says, Chuck Norris doesnt shave; he kicks himself in the face. The only thing that can cut Chuck Norris is Chuck Norris.

@norrisbot Says, Chuck Norris has only sneezed twice. He felt bad about Hiroshima and Nagasaki, so now he holds in his sneezes. Every time he does, a universe in an alternate dimension explodes.

@norrisbot Says, The Chuck Norris classic 'Delta Force' is so manly, you have to eat a side of beef before they'll let you buy it.

@norrisbot Says, Chuck Norris doesn't eat, food climbs into his mouth out of fear.

@norrisbot Says, Sharon Stone parted her legs for Chuck Norris.

@norrisbot Says, The active ingredient in Viagra, Cialis and Levitra comes from the seed of Chuck Norris.

@norrisbot Says, "Chuck Norris once played chicken with a rhino", "the rhino died!"

@norrisbot Says, Katy Perry kissed a girl to get attention from Chuck Norris.

@norrisbot Says, Time heals all wounds...Chuck Norris inflicts them!

@norrisbot Says, On February 15, 2013, Chuck Norris hit a home run out of Rangers Ballpark that made it to Chelyabinsk, Russia before exploding. New personal best.

@norrisbot Says, Chuck Norris's keyboard has an F13 key.

@norrisbot Says, If you are alive today, it's because Chuck Norris decided not to kill you yesterday.

@norrisbot Says, Chuck Norris can create fire by rubbing two ice cubes

@norrisbot Says, the concept of 0 was created after a battle againts the romans and the greeks. the romans had Chuck Norris on there side, so when the battle was over and they counted the dead there were no greeks left, then the concept of 0 was born.

@norrisbot Says, When most people think of "bone china," they think of flatware. Chuck Norris is reminded of the three weeks he spent sampling the best whorehouses in Hong Kong back in '78.

@norrisbot Says, While Joey Chestnut was downing 192 buffalo wings in 12 minutes, Chuck Norris ate the same number of buffaloes.

@norrisbot Says, When Chuck Norris was born he round house kicked the Doctor in the face Slow mo' 3 times for slapping his ass.

@norrisbot Says, Chuck Norris eats steel and craps samurai swords, which he throws away because Chuck Norris dont need weapons for mass destruction

@norrisbot Says, There's no such thing as global warming. Chuck Norris just got cold, so he turned up the sun.

@norrisbot Says, If Chuck Norris kicked your ass, then went back in time and kicked your ass again, did he ever kick your ass in the first place?

@norrisbot Says, Human beings are roughly 60 percent water. Chuck Norris is roughly 80 percent whiskey, and the other 20 percent is barely restrained fury.

@norrisbot Says, Curators at Madame Tussauds Wax Museum had to remove the life size wax figure of Chuck Norris one day after they first installed it. It seems they found Chuck Norris' wax foot deeply inbedded in the face of the Michael Jackson figure.

@norrisbot Says, i hope Chuck Norris dies in a car crash. he would have 99 lives left

@norrisbot Says, Girls program in VB, men program in C, macho men program in Java, but Chuck Norris programs with voltage levels.

@norrisbot Says, The Killers sang 'I've got soul but I'm not a soldier'. It's vice-versa for Chuck Norris.

@norrisbot Says, You can hack Chuck Norris' computer simply by pressing Alt, Ctrl, F13 on your computer keyboard.

@norrisbot Says, Chuck Norris knows where it's at. It's at his house.

@norrisbot Says, Chuck Norris is a kind, sweet, gentle, caring and generous human being with big heart, AND HE WILL FUCKING KILL ANYONE WHO SAYS OTHERWISE!!!

@norrisbot Says, Chuck Norris is not afraid of a skin walker

@norrisbot Says, Of course God is a woman, she's Chuck Norris' bitch

@norrisbot Says, Chuck Norris got expelled from school when he was 6. He took Scooby, his pet Wolverine for show and tell.

@norrisbot Says, You can totally tell that the chick who won Eurovision was fathered by Chuck Norris.

@norrisbot Says, One night Chuck Norris had Chili for dinner. The very next day the Big Bang happened.

@norrisbot Says, Five Finger Death Punch and Twelve Foot Ninja are rock bands named after the way Chuck Norris killed a giant ninja.

@norrisbot Says, Chuck Norris lettered in 14 sports in high school. He would have had won letters in 15 if ass-kicking had been an officially recognized sport.

@norrisbot Says, Chuck Norris doesn't know drama on TNT

@norrisbot Says, Autumns occur when Chuck Norris roundhouse kicks every tree in existence.

@norrisbot Says, In one particularly gruesome confrontation, Chuck Norris shaved all the hair off of a man's head and then forced him to eat it. That man today is Vin Diesel.

@norrisbot Says, Why are there so many "Rocky" films? Because Rocky was smart enough NOT to fight Chuck Norris in any of them.

@norrisbot Says, Chuck Norris once punched a man so hard in his mouth that the only thing that came out of the man's penis for 3 weeks was teeth

@norrisbot Says, When Chuck Norris goes clubbing, the authorities turn a blind eye on all the people he clubs to death.

@norrisbot Says, Whenever Chuck Norris watches pornography, his computer gets an erection.

@norrisbot Says, its not the milky way its a cumshot that Chuck Norris missed

@norrisbot Says, Chuck Norris can catch a fly with his eyelids.

@norrisbot Says, Chuck Norris has won the fifa world cup 5 times with his game face alone.

@norrisbot Says, chuck Norris can make jacob from twilight go wolf and run away with his tail between his legs just by entering a hundred mile radius of where jacob is :) :P :O

@norrisbot Says, everyone hideson Chuck Norris's birthday even god

@norrisbot Says, Hugh Jackman is an actor. Wolverine. Chuck Norris is real. Now get roundhoused to your next movie...like a man, Hugh Wackman!

@norrisbot Says, The Voyager space probe is the second man-made object to leave the galaxy. The first was a VW Beetle that Chuck Norris threw in 1967.

@norrisbot Says, Chuck Norris ALWAYS has a gun in his pocket. He is never happy to see you.

@norrisbot Says, Chuck Norris can play Mozart with his cordless phone.

@norrisbot Says, If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds till." After you ask, "Two seconds till what?" He roundhouse kicks you in the face.

@norrisbot Says, Step on a crack, Chuck Norris will pulverize your spine. Then plow your mother.

@norrisbot Says, Miley Cyrus was inspired to do Wrecking Ball after actually swinging on one of Chuck Norris's balls.

@norrisbot Says, Freddy Krueger can't sleep because he is afraid of Chuck Norris appearing in his dreams.

@norrisbot Says, Chuck Norris is the answer to the question, "What's the worst thing that could happen?"

@norrisbot Says, Chuck Norris once figured out how to make his dick 100 feet long. He folded it in half.

@norrisbot Says, Chuck Norris once went separate ways.

@norrisbot Says, Chuck Norris knows what a mystery meal tasts like.

@norrisbot Says, If you stare at the American flag for long enough, you will se a 3-D image of Chuck Norris.

@norrisbot Says, Chuck Norris donates all of his money to the M.Y. Wallet foundation, and you better too, or else.

@norrisbot Says, Chuck Norris makes a world famous tray of chocolate chip/macadamamia flavored Snickerdoodle cookies from his dingle berries and toe jam.

@norrisbot Says, the only reason Mexican cartel doesn't come to united states is bacause they're afraid of Chuck Norris.

@norrisbot Says, Little known fact: Chuck Norris shot J.R. after he killed him with a spectacular roundhouse kick to the forehead.

@norrisbot Says, Chuck Norris'name was once on the english dictionary, but it didn't managed to stay there for a long time because the people who read the definition of the word never survived.

@norrisbot Says, Chuck Norris once beat Pokemon Black and White. He hacked once, though this was so when he got a Pokemon, it immediately turned into a Metapod. None ever used Struggle.

@norrisbot Says, When speaking in public about his multitude of lifetime accomplishments, Chuck Norris always appropriately refers to himself in the fourth-person.

@norrisbot Says, Only God is allowed to edit Chuck Norris' Wikipedia page.

@norrisbot Says, Chuck Norris can save 15% or more on car insurance WITHOUT switching to Geico.

@norrisbot Says, Chuck Norris doesn't teabag people, he potato sacks them.

@norrisbot Says, Chuck Norris has such a high sperm count that women have to chew before they swallow. That is if they dont drowned.

@norrisbot Says, Chuck Norris can walk through a village full of hungry cannibals without concern.

@norrisbot Says, If Chuck Norris ever shook Sir Richard Bransons' hand, Virgin would have to be renamed Harlot.

@norrisbot Says, Chuck Norris Invented Cars so that you can get away from Chuck Norris..... Too bad that cars arent fast enough...us

@norrisbot Says, Chuck Norris once had unprotected sex with Tila Tequila and didn't catch anything.

@norrisbot Says, Chuck Norris is not and never has been cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs

@norrisbot Says, When an episode of Walker Texas Ranger was aired in France, the French surrendered to Chuck Norris just to be on the safe side.

@norrisbot Says, The Old Spice Man aspires to smell like Chuck Norris

@norrisbot Says, If Chuck Norris ever fell of of a building the groung would move out of his way

@norrisbot Says, Chuck Norris owns the Rights to eating ninjas for breakfast. That's why there is no Ninja Turtle cereal.

@norrisbot Says, Chuck Norris can sell BLT sandwiches in a Mosque.

@norrisbot Says, Chuck Norris don't have an adam's apple. He has throat testicles.

@norrisbot Says, When Chuck Norris' dad died due to an overdose of viagra, an open casket funeral was necessary.

@norrisbot Says, The man who came up with the phrase the only thing to fear is fear itself has never met Chuck Norris.

@norrisbot Says, When Medusa stared at Chuck Norris SHE turned to stone.

@norrisbot Says, Chuck Norris doesn't use straws, he summons the liquid inside him.

@norrisbot Says, Chuck norris ate a 72lb steak in 60 minutes He spent the firs 55 fucking the waitress

Chuck Norris doesn't need try-catch, exceptions are too afraid to raise. @nemoriWe Already Tagged And Resteemed This

piggiesfly Paid 0.040 SBD But The Price For 45 Reputation Is 0.045

@norrisbot Says, When Chuck Norris was born his Dr did the customary slap on the ass. Chuck didnt appreciate this so he punched the Dr in the balls.

@norrisbot Says, Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.

https://steemit.com/betex/@nemori/betex-a-good-project-for-the-development-of-the-binary-options-industry

https://steemit.com/punchline/@steemmatt/need-a-laugh-how-about-some-more-chuck-norris-steemit-facts

@norrisbot Says, Chuck Norris grinds black pepper with his ass-cheeks.

@norrisbot Says, Chuck Norris can open PDF files with Microsoft Excel.

@norrisbot Says, Chuck Norris had to stop washing his clothes in the ocean. The tsunamis were killing people.

@norrisbot Says, Go to Joke #51, for this joke. This was hacked by Chuck Norris.

@norrisbot Says, Chuck Norris has a beard because everytime he tries to shave his hairs break the shaving blades.

@norrisbot Says, This little piggy went to the market,this little piggy stayed home,this little piggy went we we we all the way home because Chuck Norris delivered a fatal roundhouse kick to the other piggy.

@norrisbot Says, Chuck Norris once punched a shark in the dick.

@norrisbot Says, Chuck Norris stood up next to a mountain, and chopped it down with the edge of his hand. He then picked up all the pieces and made a little island. The only surviving witness was Jimi Hendrix.

@norrisbot Says, CHuck Norris can start a car simply by running his hands over the dash.

@norrisbot Says, Chuck Norris can kill over 9000 ailens, birds, noobs, people with only oen rock

@norrisbot Says, Chuck Norris is banned from Mortal Kombat yet he comes back to play every year.

@norrisbot Says, Chuck Norris eats tree leafs and shits 100 dollar bills.

@norrisbot Says, Great minds think alike, false. Great minds think like Chuck Norris!

@norrisbot Says, Chuck Norris can login without signing up, on any website.

@norrisbot Says, Chuck norris can turn invisible by daring light to hit him.

@norrisbot Says, The local name for Mt. Everest means "Mountain almost as large as the manhood of Chuck Norris."

@norrisbot Says, Chuck Norris is not and never has been cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs

@norrisbot Says, One time in school, I forgot to prepare a graded presentation, so I just stood in front of the class and said "Chuck Norris". I got an 'A'.

@norrisbot Says, The only mistake that Chuck Norris has committed was when he thought he did a mistake.

@norrisbot Says, Chuck Norris doesn't type, the buttons get scared and press automaticly.

@norrisbot Says, Metallica's James Hetfield calls himself a table. Chuck Norris just calls himself a winner.

@norrisbot Says, Chuck Norris Chuck Norris Chuck Norris Chuck Norris Chuck Norris Chuck Norris SHUT UP! no. Chuck Norris Chuck Norris Chuck Norris Chuck Norris Chuck Norris (keeps on saying it.)

@norrisbot Says, As a kid, Chuck Norris washed himself with a special sponge. We now know the sponge as Spongebob.

@norrisbot Says, Touching Chuck Norris' beard will increase you life expectancy by 6 years. Unfortunately, the following roundhouse kick will reduce your life expectancy by 300. You do the math. "

@norrisbot Says, Honey badger cares about Chuck Norris!

@norrisbot Says, Chuck Norris is the father of all WMDs.

@norrisbot Says, Chuck Norris usually showers by buying several dozen puppies and kittens, then starting up his wood chipper.

@norrisbot Says, Chuck Norris don't play that shit.

@norrisbot Says, When Chuck Norris speaks French, he doesn't sound gay.

@norrisbot Says, If looks could kill, Chuck Norris would be considered the biggest genocidal maniac since Hitler.

@norrisbot Says, When Chuck Norris was 6, he and his friend Billy both got new 2 wheelers. Billy got a Schwinn and Chuck got a Harley Fat Boy.

@norrisbot Says, Chuck Norris can ignore the call of nature for 36 hours, but he can never ignore the call of duty.

@norrisbot Says, Jesus walked on water....Chuck Norris walked on Jesus

@norrisbot Says, Chuck Norris favorite cologne is tear-gas.

@norrisbot Says, Chuck Norris inhaled helium and had a much deeper voice.

@norrisbot Says, Chuck Norris once threw a knife into Heaven.

@norrisbot Says, Two And A Half Men was originally Seventy-Eight And a Half Men and a show only about Chuck Norris.

@norrisbot Says, In Rush Hour, Jackie Chan said that his father caught a bullet with his bare hands. Chuck Norris can catch lasers with his bare hands

@norrisbot Says, The United Nations has known for many years that Chuck Norris contains weapons of mass destruction, but NOBODY enters Chuck Norris!

@norrisbot Says, Chuck Norris once won the World Horse Racing Championship riding a dead horse.

@norrisbot Says, The Drummer for Def Leppard's only got one arm. Chuck Norris needed a back scratcher.

@norrisbot Says, Saddam Hussein didn't have weapons of mass destruction. Chuck Norris does. He is one.

@norrisbot Says, Chuck Norris' amps used to go to eleven, but he recently hot-rodded them so they now go to infinity.

@norrisbot Says, Chuck Norris doesn't pass feces. He literally scares the shit out of himself.

@norrisbot Says, Chuck Norris has a Lucario named Telepatly. He doesn't use it in battle often, as said Lucario always wins on turn -247 to turn 3, and that would be even more unfair. However, said Lucario lives up to its nickname like heck.

@norrisbot Says, Chuck Norris once lapped his opponent, in a drag race.

@norrisbot Says, Chuck Norris can run up a flight of stairs backwards.

@norrisbot Says, Chuck Norris can destroy an entire office block with a single pelvic thrust.

@norrisbot Says, your life will flash before your eyes. that means Chuck Norris has roundhoused you

@norrisbot Says, Chuck Norris loves fucking with the space-time continuum.

@norrisbot Says, Chuck Norris uses a live Tasmanian Devil to shine his boots.

@norrisbot Says, Chuck Norris shits Lava

@norrisbot Says, There is no Zuul. There is only Chuck Norris

@norrisbot Says, A reporter once referred to Chuck Norris as a 'God-fearing patriot'. Upon reading the article, Chuck Norris immediately sprinted to the fucker's bomb shelter and turned him into hummous. Chuck Norris fears nothing.

@norrisbot Says, The Killers sang 'I've got soul but I'm not a soldier'. It's vice-versa for Chuck Norris.

@norrisbot Says, Most women with a sore throat prefer Chuck Norris' bearded member for use as the most effective throat lozenge.

@norrisbot Says, Chuck Norris Gave Santa a box full of Condoms on Christmas day last year.

@norrisbot Says, Chuck Norris ejaculates pure liquid mercury

@norrisbot Says, Chuck Norris once nearly drowned an ocean in a fit of rage.

@norrisbot Says, The DeathStar wasn't a destroying machine, it was one of Chuck Norris' balls.

@norrisbot Says, Chuck Norris always lists his occupation as 'Chuck Norris'

@norrisbot Says, Chuck Norris was once turned loose in a china shop.

@norrisbot Says, Chuck Norris recently did an audio commentary of one of his best-selling novels.

@norrisbot Says, Remember what happens in the movie "Candyman" when you say his name three times if you try to say Chuck Norris name three times you wouldn't get the chance to say the last two before he roundhouse kicks your face.

@norrisbot Says, The Beatles are on itunes because Chuck Norris finally bought a Mac.

@norrisbot Says, Chuck Norris does not kick doors in, they are backing away from him!

@norrisbot Says, Chuck Norris just killed Clas.J

@norrisbot Says, Fred Long won the Oscar for Best Costume Design for Invasion USA, for providing Chuck Norris with tight jeans.

@norrisbot Says, The Christmas Tree of Chuck Norris is/has/was: 100 meters tall. 103856 ornaments. 262 stars. 2847687949295 lights. too many presents under it to count. painted with 38583 colors, 683 being shades of green.

@norrisbot Says, There once was a Chuck Norris toilet paper brand, but it would not take shit from anyone.

@norrisbot Says, Chuck Norris can play chopsticks on the piano by using only one of his three tesicles.

@norrisbot Says, George Thorogood was inspired by Chuck Norris, when he composed "Bad to the Bone".

@norrisbot Says, Chuck Norris once had a staring contest with a picture of himself and won.

@norrisbot Says, Whenever Chuck Norris sees a Best Buy, he burns it to the ground, because he firmly believes that a total gym for three payments of 19.99 is the best buy you'll ever find.

@norrisbot Says, Chuck Norris once ordered a steak in a restaurant. The steak did what it was told.

@norrisbot Says, god created jesus toencourage peace when that didnt work he created Chuck Norris to enforce it

@norrisbot Says, Chuck Norris doesn't have nightmares, nightmares have him

@norrisbot Says, Hulk is strong, but Chuck Norris is STRONG.

@norrisbot Says, Chuck Norris owns several very successful funeral homes. The reason why is debatable.

@norrisbot Says, Chuck Norris pops his own pimples with a gun

@norrisbot Says, Chuck Norris pissed out the Golden Gate Bridge at age 7

@norrisbot Says, Chuck Norris super human kicking speed is the reason The Flash can be seen in slow motion running bare footed.

@norrisbot Says, Everybody hurts, sometimes... everyone except Chuck Norris.

@norrisbot Says, Chuck Norris can cut Granite, with a butter knife.

@norrisbot Says, It is said that, on average, men think about sex every seven seconds. That average is based solely on Chuck Norris.

@norrisbot Says, when Chuck Norris pours milk into his rice crispy's they shut the fuck up

@norrisbot Says, when a cop pulls over Chuck Norris for drinking and driving the cop is just making shur that he doesnt spill his beer.

@norrisbot Says, How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could Chuck Norris? Fucking ALL of it.

@norrisbot Says, Chuck Norris knows how many licks it takes to get to the center of a tootsie pop.

@norrisbot Says, Chuck Norris don't have an adam's apple. He has throat testicles.

@norrisbot Says, Chuck Norris is not affected by the human condition.

@norrisbot Says, Chuck Norris can deliver justice without violence, but it is less fun that way.

@norrisbot Says, Chuck Norris doesn't have an age - he has a half-life.

@norrisbot Says, Chuck Norris staged the moon landing in his back garden

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